Control,  it is a funny word.  We should all be in control of ourselves and our emotions,  but frankly sometimes we aren’t.  The problem comes when we try to exert that control over others,  and other situations.  Being called a “Control Freak”, it isn’t a good thing,  because trust me I am a  control freak in certain areas of my life.

     The ability to roll with the punches, or just go with it,  is something that took me years to learn.  Type A people don’t generally do those things well.  But if you want to coexist with your family members peacefully, as well as others in your community.  Sometimes you just have to take a step back,  be a Teflon Duck and just go with it. 
     All of the above things said there are just times that fighting for control is what is right.  Not over every little thing,  but over things that really matter.  In those cases,  make your decisions,  pick your battles and stand up for what you believe in.  Because a little bit of control can be a beautiful thing🌹

    

     Yes I went there,  I did, and I am sure I am gonna irritate half of my readers and alienate some others.  But this is my blog, my views and my rules. 
     I am so tired of school shootings in this country,  how are we are the only developed nation that is contending with this problem on this basis?  It started with Columbine and seems to have snowballed from there. 
     Each shooting has a common denominator : the shooter is unhappy,  probably bullied,  they are on some type of stabilizing medication.  Whether it is an SSRI
(anti-depressants) Paxil,  Wellbutrin,  Prozac,  Zoloft,  etc.  Or a stimulant meant to control ADHD  such as Ritalin, Concerta or Adderall. 
     The so called experts will tell you if you add those two factors together you get the perfect storm of uncontrolled anger.  I also can’t help but wonder what we are missing.
     These types of random school and workplace,  or even social event gathering shootings did not happen 20 years ago.  Columbine on April 20th 1999 was the beginning of the flood of these acts.  Columbine took the lives of 13 students and teachers.  15 if you were to add Kliebold and Harris,  who turned the guns on themselves rather than be apprehended.  Before Columbine there had been 31 school shootings with 63 lives lost in that 15 year period  Since Columbine the lives lost is 215 in the same 15 year period with 89 incidents.  Something has changed drastically,  but I don’t know what.
     I do know that we have become less tolerant of our mentally ill,  while at the same time providing them less services.  Our health system sees medication thrown at them as a way to fix it.  Yet states have shut down many if not all of their mental health facilities. Relying on outpatient services instead,  obviously that isn’t getting the job done.  Most insurance companies pay for little mental health care,  and to do so want the ability to climb through your records.  My comfort level gets really uneasy with that.  I don’t need an insurance company knowing that someone might have a breakdown,  or already did.  That is between the patient and their medical team.  The insurance company needs to just write the check.

     Somewhere in here lies the answer,  part of it I believe is tougher gun control laws,  another portion is better mental health care,  and the final piece of the puzzle would be to address our dependence on some of these drugs.  Are they truly necessary,  or because we have such piss poor mental health care in this country have they just become the first line of defense?

    

   There are some things in this world that I just don’t understand.  Suicide is one of them,  some people take it as a sin against God ; or as weakness that the person could no longer handle everything.  I just view it as something incomprehensible,  like calculus or nuclear physics.  Things that just don’t add up and make any sense to me.

      Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, a shifting of the burden and weight to someone else. By taking your own life you leave a gaping hole in the lives of others.  A whole that can not be filled. Death is final,  it is the last hurrah,  the only thing other than taxes that are certain on this merry go round we call life.

      A death by suicide messes with the natural order of things.  Parents are not meant to bury their children and grandparents should never lay their grandchildren to rest. 

     I can’t even imagine what goes on in your head of as you contemplate,  try and then succeed at committing suicide. The despair, the thoughts of hopelessness, panic, fear, and maybe relief when the final decision is made.

     What I do know is that those of us left behind, friends, family and acquaintances are left scratching our heads and wondering what we missed? Were the signs there and we ignored them because we were in denial or did you hide them so well that we never saw them until it was too late.

     What I want everyone to know is this.. We can’t erase the past,  but we can adjust and rewrite the future. We can put one foot in front of the other,  ask for help, find the resources, talk to your friends, your parents, your spouses and significant others and stop this please.  Nothing in life is that bad that death is the answer.

    

     This past weekend I had a chance to attend my 30th High School Reunion.  It really is no secret to anyone who knows me at all that I hated high school.  I was shy, scared, didn’t fit in with the “in crowd”  “the jocks” or “the stoners”.  I had my small group of core friends,  none who were going to the reunion. 

           

     I had decided,  with information from others that had done this before that once you get to 30 years.  All pretenses are gone,  you are who you are,  the cliques are gone and everyone just gets along. I was pleasantly surprised,  because it happened.  We all laughed and chatted and danced (in a big group,  no coupling off like in high school).  We sat at dinner and ate and talked about old times,  silly things that happened,  what we are doing now.  How old our children are,  what they are doing now,  how long we have been married (if we are married).  Some had grandchildren,  while some have children in kindergarten.
     Suffice to say we have all grown up.  It was an experience I truly enjoyed.  I only wished that I hadn’t been so shy while I was in High School.  Maybe I would have enjoyed my 4 years there as well. 

     

    

      If you by chance you do not know who Kim Davis is, you are either lucky or pay no attention to current events.  Kim Davis,  Kentucky’s Rowan County Clerk believed that her religious beliefs should outweigh the Federal Law allowing Same-sex Marriage.  After multiple warnings and and chastisement Mrs. Davis was arrested.  She was arrested for 1 reason and 1 reason only.  She refused to issue marriage licenses,  which is part of her job.  She didn’t step aside and have one of her deputies do it.  She flat out refused to allow her office to issue licenses to same sex couples. 
     Mrs.  Davis has been married 4 times. Twice to the same man, technically has children out of wedlock, but professes to be a “good God-fearing  Christian”.  Mostly because it fits her agenda and plan at the moment.
     Mrs.  Davis was released from jail today,  but if she returns to work she will have to issue same sex marriage licenses.  Something she has steadfastly refused to do. Her deputies will continue to issue licenses, even if they are told to stop by her.  This is what they stated today.
     This is very simple.  The US Supreme Court upheld the law making it legal for same sex marriages to occur in every 50 states in this nation.  The US Supreme Court is the highest court in the land.  The final stopping place on the legal trail of appeals.
      Those that say that the Supreme Court has no jurisdiction over this seem to forget Brown vs.  Board of Education and Roe vs Wade.  These are all landmark cases taken all the way to the Supreme Court. 
     I am not disputing that Mrs. Davis has the right to her religious beliefs.  She just can not cram them down everyone else’s throat and refuse to do her job while standing on her religious soapbox.  If she doesn’t want or can’t perform her job with all of its assigned duties because she is morally or religiously opposed.  Then she is free to resign or go back to jail, those are her choices.
    

    

   There seems to be an awful lot of shaming going around lately.  Parents shaming their children on-line for behavior that they find inappropriate.  With shaming behavior that I find equally as repulsive.  I saw a post today on fb of a father holding up a sign in front of his son, detailing all his sons bullying behavior.  I abhor bullying,  it is an act committed by cowards.  That doesn’t mean that I agree with the behavior from the father.  He is just as much a bully as his son is,  he bullied his son.  Shaming him on the same social media that the son used for his bullying.  What comes to mind is the old but wise saying “two wrongs don’t make a right”.
     I am sure in the fathers eyes he is calling his son out and showing the world what a good parent he is.  In my eyes he is showing us all he can embarrass his son on a world wide level.  Way to go dad,  not!!
     This has occurred in other instances, that don’t include social media posting.  Cases of parents making their children hold posters on busy streets saying they skipped school, or are flanking classes or stole something.  These are all instances to make the teenagers feel tiny and ashamed and the parents feel empowered and in charge.  Hello these teens live in your house,  you are in charge,  you don’t need shaming signs to accomplish that.                                              Last year there was a Barber that was giving young African American children old man haircuts for free, on their parents request if they were not doing well in school.  Another kind of shaming, and what does it accomplish? Nothing but making the kids stand out and feel self conscious. 
     I know it takes a village to raise children, but this village needs to be better behaved, informed and less retaliatory.

   

     We finally did it,  after 2 years of test driving and researching and procrastination we bought a new car.  My 2005 Honda Pilot with over 217K miles on it was traded in and will go off to a wholesaler.  There is no escaping that we put a lot of miles on a car,  so leasing is out of the question.  When you live in a rural area leasing a vehicle makes little sense.  Having to travel 40 miles to work each day eats up the 12k allowable lease mileage really fast.
        I honestly feel like I have test driven every mid size SUV in my price class in the past 2 years.  (That is excluding BMW,  Audi, Porche, or Lexus.) I can give you their MPG,  their sizes,  and their standard features.
     I am proud to say decision made,  car bought,  I didn’t feel like a needed a shower after the process. 

   

    Do we ever really grow up and stop needing our parents?  My answer to that would be a resounding NO!!  Just because I am an adult does not mean I don’t need my Mom and Dad.  They raised me with great values, morals and standards.  Taught me how to be an adult,  how to be a good parent,  how to succeed and most of all how to accept my failures. With failures come the ability to learn,  grow and move forward. 
     Sometimes  admitting you don’t have all the answers or that your answers are wrong can be hard.  It is one of the parts of adulting that really sucks.  Admitting that you don’t know everything is both humbling and embarrassing at the same time.  Humbling I can do,  embarrassing not so much.
     Looking to your parents for the answers is both easy and hard all at the same time.  Easy because I know that they have them,  and hard because I don’t want to disappoint them.  In my eyes I am an adult with children of my own,  who look to me for answers.  Why should I have to look to someone else,  why should I not have all of them?  Realistically I know that is just pride and Irish Stubbornness getting in my way,  but I want to prove that I can do it on my own.
     The reality is no one can do this all alone,  I am truly fortunate to have amazing and fantastic parents.  They have taught me how to be independent and strong and tough.  But have also showed me that there is nothing wrong with asking for a little help.

  

   Our lives are a big circle,  one enters this world and another leaves it, completing the circle. Those entrances and exits don’t necessarily happen in the same day,  but they are usually pretty close in calendar proximity.  The same day that my oldest was born,  an elderly aunt exited the world.  When I was waiting for my youngest to be born,  as much as I wanted him to get here soon.  I knew that once he came,  my mother’s  dear friend battling colon cancer would exit this world. She was my angel, a peds nurse who constantly checked on me during my terrible pregnancy.  No matter how bad,  or sick she was feeling.  I knew once Connor entered this world that Susie would exit it,  the circle would be complete,  but there would be heartbreak as well as joy.

     These circles are never easy,  it doesn’t matter how long you have been on this earth. You or your family are never ready to let go. To let you slip from your earthly bounds and walk with angels.
     That is the internal struggle that is waging within me right now.  No matter how many years,  months, days or minutes you have with a loved one.  It never is enough.  So it begs the question “how much time is enough?”  In my opinion I don’t think we ever think we have enough time.  We always want more,  time,  moments,  precious memories made. 

     At the risk of sounding like a bad Hallmark Card,  take it from someone whose heart is hurting right now.  Love everyone around you,  forgive easily,  remember the good times and put the bad ones to rest.  We all have this ride to enjoy and make the best of the ups and downs, give yourself a break and let yourself cry. 

   

    It should come as no surprise that women are catty to each other. We are back biting,  underhanded mean and downright nasty. When in all reality we should be holding each up but what what we are really doing is putting each other down every chance we get. We are the first to find fault in each other and ourselves we point out flaws  mercilessly. Whether it be weight, clothing styles, choice in partner,  the way others raise their children or educate them. It is all up for grabs.
     The movie “Mean Girls” personifies how we treat each other and it only gets worse with age. The popularity race intensifies and threatens to overtake our lives.  None of this behavior serves a purpose other than to make one lady feel better than someone else. It is adult bullying, plain and simple. We try to teach our children to be nice to everyone, but at the same time we are snickering about their friends mom’s behind their backs.
     How can we expect our daughters to behave any better, change their ways of we still act like spoiled children ourselves?