I received a Facebook Notification last week, that is really nothing new, I receive about 25 notifications a day. But this one stopped me in my tracks, and it really shouldn’t have. It was a notification from my High School Class. They are planning our 30th Reunion. I stopped and did some quick mental math to make sure the group that was planning this affair actually had the year right. Yes they do, 2015-1985=30 years. I never in my wildest dreams thought I would even entertain going to a 30th reunion.
Let me take you back to the mid 80’s, I was a very shy, quiet young lady, very afraid of the world. Scared of most of my classmates. Which is quite humorous considering my class only consisted of 121 kids total. If you looked at me wrong I would shrink away in fear. I was easy to pick on, and really would not stand up for myself or anyone else.
I could not wait for my 4 year stint in high school to be done. I was a good student, but bored nothing excited me in the 4 years that I was there. I looked forward to college with a passion, like chocolate or my love of pasta.
I was accepted into college in a large city in CT, far away from the sticks of my hometown. I couldn’t wait to graduate and leave. The person that walked across the stage in June of 1985 stepped off with her diploma and promptly “died”. Not literally but figuratively. When I entered SCSU in August of 1985 I was a vastly different person, no longer shy or fearful of the world. I was excited to experience it, and see what it had to offer. Make new friends, live and enjoy the college experience. Because this Tammie was a whole new lady, nothing scared me, I wanted to try new things and live in ways that were never possible.
The Tammie that will go back to the High School reunion in September will go with many life experiences under her belt. Not just husband and kids, but the multitude of experiences that make me the person that I am now. I like the person that I am now, and I think the rest of my class will too.
Is it truly to much to ask of someone to do their job? I really don’t think so, but then again what do I know? I have really had a week that have tried my patience, and this age old adage too.
Somewhere along the line we as a group, society, community call us whatever you want we have lost a large amount of common decency in the way we conduct ourselves.
Earlier this week a young gentleman that is employed by my husband chose to quit. I know no harm in that people change jobs every day, that is nothing new. It is the way that he went about it that shows me that the common decency is missing. He quit via a telephone call on Monday night, no 2 week notice, it wasn’t even done face to face. He was supposed to call the owner of the business to tender the resignation, but wasn’t “man” enough to do that either; pure cowardice. What have we taught this generation about how to handle themselves in business?
As I have said before I have asthma, fairly severe asthma, the kind that makes my lungs pretty much the focal point of my daily life. Along with my asthma has come eczema in recent years, just the joy, can’t you see me jumping for joy here ( that is dripping with sarcasm.) The eczema causes a pervasive itch, like my body it being over run by ants. I moisturize on a daily basis, multiple times a day and still find myself scratching. The only thing that deals with this itch at night is a medication called Hyroxyzine. It is available by prescription only. This week my auto refill of that prescription had no more refills on it. The pharmacy contacted the doctor and she ignored their repeated requests. I went 3 days without the medication, last night my body went into total itch overload. I itched everywhere, and constantly. Sleep was not an option, after 5 hours of this merciless itching, which I tried to control with Benadryl to no avail. The stress finally took over and next came the migraine, I treated that with Imitrex, Promethazine for nausea and Vicodin for pain. Finally I was knocked out.
When I woke up this morning my first call was to the Physicians Office where I met yet another excuse about why my prescription hadn’t been called in. But the staff assured me it would be. I just walked out of the Pharmacy empty handed and made a call to the Physicians Office and reached their after hours staff, because again someone didn’t do their job!!! I just would like someone to explain to me how something can fall through the cracks for 4 days in a row???
Incompetence seems to be the only word that springs to mind at the current moment. The on call Physician assures me he has called it in now, but why did it take so long, so many calls and so much agony to get people to just do their jobs???
Some of you may know that I belong to an online health club group, called the Single Dad Laughing Health Club. From her on forth known as SDLHC, I know that last line sounded like a lawyer, but I really didn’t want to type the whole name over again the whole time.
This group is full of amazing people, they have motivated me to keep swimming even when I don’t want to get my ass up cuz it is too cold, to take a yoga class even though I am sure that I am too fat and the whole class will be laughing at me, to take an early morning core class and get my body in better shape than I ever thought possible. Every time I want to give up, hit the snooze button, shave laps off my 2 miles in the morning I think of these people. They push me to go further than I ever thought possible. The funny thing is I have never met any of these people face to face, but that doesn’t make them any less motivating.
41 of these super motivating people did something that I find truly and absolutely beyond the scope of my imagination last weekend. They ran a Tough Mudder, they did the Icy Enema, The Electroshock Therapy, Birth Canal, Funky Monkey, and all the others, climbed the multiple walls, sloshed and hauled through countless tons of mud and water. They walked, and ran and laughed and giggled in the Arizona Desert. All in the name of exercise, camaraderie, friendship, motivation and fun.
I am super proud of all of them, and never doubted for a New York minute that any of them could complete this course. I also know in my heart of hearts that there is no way I could do a Tough Mudder, my fear of heights will forever keep me from scaling those walls. In one thought and breath I think these people are crazy as bed bugs, and in the next breath, I know they have accomplished something I will never have the cojones to do!!!
I have heard people say countless times that “Your life can change in the blink of an eye, so tell your loved ones how you feel now.” This adage became glaringly apparent this week. On Wednesday Evening while my boss was walking to his truck from the local Pizza Parlor, while carrying 2 pizzas n grinders, his arms laden with food. He was confronted by an angry customer of ours. He is an electrician, this customer owed us a small amount of money, and after multiple collection calls with no results. He had me take them to Small Claims Court as a last resort.
This customer sucker punched him in the face 3 times, he fell down and struck his head on the cement steps, losing consciousness. He was rushed to the local hospital, and then transferred to a larger Trauma Unit. He has suffered memory loss, and asks the same 3 questions of his wife over and over again.
1. Was I drunk?
2. Where is my truck?
3. Where do we live?
It is unknown at this time what the future holds for this man. A man with a great business, an amazing wife and 2 wonderful little boys that love their dad. He has a successful electrical contracting business, and is well known in the community. Literally in the blink if an eye this all was put in jeopardy by someone who couldn’t see beyond their anger and selfishness.
Someone who couldn’t see that the debt owed to our business was a business transaction, nothing personal. By adding violence to the mix he made it personal. He turned it into a personal vendetta, and in the process changed 2 lives forever, he will now spend some time behind bars reflecting on what he has done, and the choices he has made. While my boss will spend the forseable future recovering.
So I remind all of you to hug your children tight, along with your significant others and parents and any other loved ones. Because in the blink of an eye your life can change.
Sometimes being an adult and taking the High Road is the hardest thing you can possibly do. We have all seen the internet memes circulating that say things like..”Don’t Make Me Adult Today”, “If you need me I will be in my blanket fort with my crayons”.
If only life were that easy? Somehow once you reach adulthood there are parts of life that get way too complicated. Invariably you think you are doing the right thing and it blows up in your face just like a homemade pipe bomb. A friend calls into question your motives, and you find yourself explaining yourself like a 5 year old with your hand caught in the cookie jar, or the teenager that was caught out after curfew. Neither one of those are optimal scenarios, and at times you wonder, “what am I doing? I am an adult, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone”. When in reality we spend our lives explaining our actions to others.
Whether they are our parents when we are children, then our play mates as we enter elementary school. Our true friends and trouble makers once we are in high school an even into college. Then we find ourselves explaining our actions to bosses and significant others as we age, and then our own children as we discipline them. And somewhere along the way, unless we live the lives of Mother Teresa, or the Pope we are gonna have to explain or apologize to a friend for stuffing our foot so far down our throats that we can see our toes protruding out the other end.
That is just the deal with having relationships, and we all have to face up to the simple fact, and it is pretty hard to digest at times. I know it is for me right now.
I know that we can be complete assholes. No matter how hard we try to be perfect and saintly, and easy to get along with. Sometimes we just get cranky, miserable and we don’t do the right thing.
That doesn’t mean we are complete idiots all the time, it just means at that moment we had a lapse in our good judgement, we spoke without thinking, we didn’t mean to hurt anyone, or hell who knows what we were thinking.
We just now know that damage control is in the cards..and fast. Sometimes the harsh reality of being an adult is that you may not be able to do enough damage control, apologies may not be accepted, others may not believe that you did things without malice.
Sometimes you just have to chalk this idiocy up the a life experience, being an adult, file those memories away and move on. Remember what you did, the mistakes that you made, vow not to make them again and do your best to be an adult.
I don’t generally believe in God, like in the whole, he has a plan, he is in charge of everything. I am more of a whatever I do has consequences, and these consequences have led me to where I am at this moment. Some of these choices have been good, college, graduate degree, marriage, children, leaving a job I hated, landing with a job I love. Others have been questionable, odd choices in friends, opening my mouth when keeping it shut would have really made more sense, the multiple speeding tickets because I both like to drive fast and I also am perennially late. Odd and even destructive choices in men along the way. The phrase “You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince charming” is completely true.
I believe that the big choices in life have led me to where I am now. The Married Mother of 2 Teenage Boys, with a degree in Accounting, an MBA in Finance and working towards a CPA. Surrounded by a husband who both loves me and drives me nuts at any given moment, a dog that listens to me rant and rave when no one else does. 2 cats that are convinced that it is my mission in life to serve them. My 2 sons,.that either love or hate each other, depending on the day. They are making me very proud, growing into very mature, adult gentlemen. Ready to take on the world, when they can manage to get their clothes down the laundry chute.
I am surrounded by friends, both female and male that make my life worth living, they make me laugh, sometimes cry. They show me what love is, what devotion and need are too. My best friend in the entire world, my un-biological sister Kathy. The person that I turn to when things are so out if whack I just can’t put my puzzle pieces back together.
We have been friends for almost 30 years, we were thrown together in a college dorm in 1985, and have friends since. We are as different as 2 humans can be, I am the type A accountant, and she is the more relaxed social worker. But together we fit, like the puzzle.
So all in all I believe that the choices I made have brought me to the place I am, not God, not a higher being I can’t see or touch or smell. It is the Type A thing again, I have to be able to verify it, and I can verify my choices!!
2 nights ago I took my 18 yr old shopping for his Prom Tux. As he was trying on pants (and complaining he didn’t like the ones with stripes), and shirts, and jackets. It hit me, like the proverbial freight train. He is almost gone, gone like out of high school, no longer my little boy.
We managed to pick out the correct tux, meaning the one Mr. Shy could tolerate. No striped pants, no ruffly things on the shirt, a navy blue vest and regular tie, not a Prom Bow Tie and a Silver Pocket Square. All to compliment his girlfriend’s gown, the texts and selfies flying back and forth thru this whole process was both hysterical, amazing and humbling. I was writing the check but didn’t have much say other than that.
After the tux fitting process was completed we headed to 99 for dinner, because food means just about everything to a teenage boy. We were discussing Prom, and other upcoming events, his final Capstone Project is due May 8th, and what is going on in his shop. I was asking him about his plans for the future. He started talking about Apprentice Hours, Journeyman Licenses, Tier 4 and 5 classes, Master’s Plumbers Licenses, and the option of working on the gas pipeline. My eyes glazed over during a lot of that, but I was jolted back awake when he mentioned Gas Pipeline. That requires a significant move out of state.
“Gas Pipeline?” I said…where did that idea come from? “It is an option, and I am exploring it” Kyle responded.
My brain started to digest all that, let it run through all the roller coaster synapses and just deal with it.
Then to just further push me off the diving board into reality, he says “Mom, I am graduating on June 10th, Connor will be 15 on the 15th of this month, and next year he will have his license, we are growing up.”
In that moment, I realized that my boys are growing up. My mom always said once they go to school, it goes so fast, she was so right. I couldn’t be prouder of my boys. They are growing into responsible young men and finding
their way in this world.
I will always be their Mom, but it is sure making me feel old. I want the world to slow down, I want the wheel to stop spinning, please. I just want a few more times with them to be little, I hear people saying “oh no my child wants to sleep with me”, and I say cherish those cuddle moments. Soon they won’t want to cuddle with you, they will only want to cuddle with their girlfriends or boyfriends, and you will be relegated to the human ATM, and the person who provides the cell phone.