Tonight I met Mark at Genden in Shelburne so we could go to Autumn Walsh’s Wake. I brought us both a change of clothes, and as I was standing in his showroom with my boots on and flats in my hand I asked him “Do these boots look ok, or do I need my flats?” He says “Jill won’t care or notice what you have on your feet. Think about it, do you remember what anyone wore to Connor’s Wake?” He is right, the only reason I remember what I had on is there is a beautiful but heartbreaking picture taken of Mark and I that day. We are standing at The Colrain Community Church watching the balloons that had been released float away. The grief and pain on our faces is heart wrenching, but at the same time you can see the love we have for Connor underneath the pain.
As I looked at everyone in that funeral home tonight and I fount back the crocodile tears. All that kept running through my head was, these kids just went through this a year ago. They are too young to be dealing with this much tragedy and grief. So many of them had the “deer in the headlights” look in their eyes, the look of shock mixed with grief and horror.
I wanted to hug each and every one of them, tell them that it would be ok, and eventually it will be. But that eventually is a while away. Time doesn’t heal all wounds, and these wounds will be fresh, sore, bruised and bloody for quite a while.