Even though Connor was pretty grown (17 at the time of the accident) he will always be my baby. Mark and I went to the new Runnings store in Hinsdale to check it out and while I was wandering in the dog aisle. I heard the running of little feet and a mom yell “Connor pick up your feet and don’t run!” My heart skipped a beat, those were words I uttered so often it was like I spoke them myself. He stopped for a second but then darted off and she repeated herself but he was gone to head to the camping aisle after his dad. She stood there shaking her head in frustration. I wanted to go tell her that him picking up his feet or chasing after his dad weren’t worth worrying about, but by then the tears were running down my face. So I turned and walked away.
Someday these little things won’t grab my heart and pull at them like an out of control tornado, but that time isn’t anywhere close to now. For now I am trying to steel my heart and soul for the upcoming emotional week.
The week that I always told Connor I would cry about anyway, but I was gonna cry because he was my last one graduating. Leaving High School behind and heading off into the real world. Now these tears are for a whole different reason, he doesn’t get to head off into the real world, I never get to know what the world has in store for him. He is forever 17, and part of me is forever broken with him.