I am trying to wrap my brain around the fact that Connor would be 22 years old today. 22 years ago I was 2 weeks late giving birth to him. I had been on bed rest since December 18th of 1999. I had been poked and prodded and he was just to stubborn to come on his own.

Finally on the 14th I was admitted to Cooley Dickinson Hospital in Northampton. By the morning of the 15th he still hadn’t budged. So I was headed for induction. At 3:32pm he finally made his grand entrance. Once he entered the world our lives were never the same. Kyle was now a big brother, and I was back in the world of no sleep. Something I don’t do well with.

He was a very different son than Kyle. Kyle’s world revolved around things with wheels, cars, trucks, heavy equipment. We actually had a conversation about one of his favorite videos as a kid. “Big Trucks and Heavy Machinery.”

Connor’s world revolved around balls, baseballs, footballs, if it could be thrown or caught, he was all about it. He followed Kyle everywhere, which I’m sure Kyle was irritated with at times.

Once Kyle started to play Little League Connor went to every practice, and Mark began to coach. Connor lived for baseball, wasn’t very fond of T-ball, he wanted to hit a pitched ball. He lived for spring so he could play baseball, Kyle played because all his friends did. Connor played because he adored the game.

In 4th grade some of his friends were playing Football, and then Connor wanted to play too. It terrified me, he was little and thin, but he was fast. He became the Quarterback, and got jersey #24. Which coincidentally was his girlfriend’s Krystal’s birthday.

They were together from pre-school until 7th grade. She was the only girl that could make him cry. Even when they were no longer boyfriend and girlfriend, they remained great friends right up to the end.

Krystal was the one friend of his. Other than Jordan, that was allowed to come see him in the hospital. I felt she had the right to say goodbye to him. She and her mom Missy came to see him. Krystal sat on the hospital bed and talked to him, held his hand and cried.

Once he went to Middle School he was a girl magnet, never without a girlfriend. But once Jordan came along in Tech, that was it. He adored her, and she him. I am certain that if Connor hadn’t died, they would be married, and I would be a Nana.

As much as I grieve the loss of Connor, I also grieve the loss of things that he didn’t get to do. Go to his Senior Prom, graduate from Tech, pursue his dream of becoming a Lineman, get married and have children.

There is not a day that goes by that I don’t think about him, and miss him. His passing left a huge hole in my heart, a hole the size of Connor, with his huge personality, big blue eyes and those long eyelashes. Eyelashes that he hated and everyone always envied, they made putting his contacts in a challenge at times. I only had him for 17 years, not nearly long enough. But if my choice was 17 years or nothing, I will take 17 years every day.