31 months and 1 day, and it doesn’t get any easier. There are days that hurt like hell. Days where it feels like my heart is breaking into a thousand tiny shards. Like someone broke a Pyrex dish and there is no way to put me back together again. There are other days that the hurt is just a dull ache, but it is always there in one way shape or form.
The day that Jordan graduated was terribly hard, it was a day that I had dreaded since Connor “graduated” in 2018. I knew what his plan was for her graduation. To meet her at the bottom of the stage, in that silly yellow rain suit, ring in hand and ask her the most important question of a lifetime.
That would never happen, no rain suit, no ring, no question of a lifetime. For the members of FCTS Class of 2020 they were frustrated that they couldn’t have a “normal” non Covid Graduation. I on the other hand, was relieved, there was no place for my mind to hide him. Although I knew he would of found a way, because it was Jordan, and he would do anything for her. His love was strong, deep and everlasting.
Unfortunately his life was not, here I sit just over 31 months later trying to figure out how to put all the pieces back together. In some semblance of order. But no matter how hard I try they just won’t line up, and no amount of super glue will keep them together. So I just do the best that I can to go one day at a time, and know that tears are good, love is eternal and grief is the price that you pay for love.