There are days that I feel I am swimming in this awful churning wave filled ocean all by myself, but I know it isn’t true. I have friends, family, co-workers, my fb friends(some that I have never met in real life), my fb grieving groups. All will be there if I just yell, or even mumble that I need something.

It is difficult as an independent women of the ’80s that was raised to believe that she could do it all and have it all to ask for help, but I did. I have been dreading doing Connor’s taxes, clicking the little box that says ☑️ taxpayer is deceased. So I realized that people don’t just say, “let me know what I can do, or if you need anything I am here”. Just to hear themselves talk. I reached out the CPA that I have worked with for over 14 years and asked him to do Connor’s taxes. No hesitation, no umm I’m too busy. The answer was bring them in and we will take care of it. I felt as if a huge weight was gone, like one of those weights that Jordan’s horses pull had just been magically wiped away.

The same day I made that decision I came home to this box on the doorstep, an unexpected present from a friend that I have had longer than each of us would care to admit. To do so would make us old!!

It is handmade, softer than anything I have ever felt, and is full of my favorite colors, and has little silver sparkles knitted into each end. Karen (and both of her sisters are supremely talented with yarn and needles). I can barely knit a basic scarf, this shawl is a masterpiece, a hand knitted work of art. It came with a card that made the waterworks flow, but they were happy tears. Tears of love and appreciation.

I have always been surrounded by amazing people. I now truly realize how amazing they are. Although my heart is broken, I feel blessed and loved by all of them❤️💙💕