I wish that there was a specified way that this grieving process went. I am a linear person,we go from A-B and so on in my world. But in grieving things don’t work that way, one day I am fine then something little derails me and I am back inside my own head, filled with grief and pain. I am pretty sure I will be like this for a while, just slogging thru this crap and trying to come to terms with this new normal.
Facebook is generally a happy place for me, but logging on this afternoon changed that. I knew sooner or later the Memories Feature would catch up with me. It did today, with all the glory of a ski slope, a Mohawk Football Sweatshirt, dayglo green ski pants and his precious Go-Pro. Looking like he was ready to take on the world 5 years ago. Instantly my heart broke and the tears started, and I was back in that place again. The place where I can’t catch my breath and nothing matters but the hurt and despair.
This evening one of Connor’s friends has created a Dodgeball Tournament in his honor, something he would have loved. The competition, all his friends and the chance to wallop someone in a sensitive place with a hard ball. My guys at S Keyes Electric will be playing in honor of Connor and that in itself makes me smile. He would have said “bring it on”. So I will go and laugh and watch and yup “bring it on for Connor”