I made it through, that’s what I kept telling myself. If I could just make it through New Years Eve then I would be on the way to healing. Well today is New Years Day, also Kyle’s Birthday and I’m still here. Last night was all about Kyle’s Birthday and the momentous occasion of him turning 21. Our friends Rusty & Kim threw him a Birthday party at Dia’s House. With darts, cribbage, Cards Against Humanity (which Morgan won without a problem). Great food, alcohol, great friends, music , Birthday Cake and lots of laughs.

Because life must go on, not saying that it will remain the same, because it never will. My heart will always be tender, slightly broken, a little bit mashed and crushed. But Kyle should not nor will not suffer from that. He is my firstborn, the one that has paved the way, the one that taught me how to be a mom. Who learned with me that being a mom was not an all or nothing proposition. That you fall, dust yourself off and start again. It is a huge learning curve, and we learn for all of our lives.

Kyle has always been vastly different from Connor, 2 children raised in the same house, with the same parents that had very little in common. Yet they were brother and friends and confidants. Kyle taught me that life at your own pace is fun, you don’t have to go 1000 miles an hour to have fun. Kyle is always talking but he is more contemplative. Connor was always 1000 miles an hour and his jaws didn’t go constantly, yet he was more leap and the net will appear.

Either way, I wouldn’t change anything about their personalities for the world. Love them both to the moon and back. With their differences and similarities. My boys, my world, for whom the sun rises and sets upon.