My Heart Hurts

     As I write this one,  I am not sure I will ever hit the publish button,  or even share it to my Facebook Wall.  I have written a lot about addiction,  the way that it destroys lives and tears families apart.  One of my HS friends has been struggling with this monkey on her back in some way shape or form since we were in school. 
    I thought after the devastating car accident  that almost took her life  as well as the life of the other driver she was getting her life together.  Months of physical and alcohol and drug rehab seemed to not have worked.  I don’t know why I am surprised.  More fractured and permanently destroyed relationships caused by addiction and her refusal to accept the consequences of those actions.
     The constant roller coaster of her life continued,  jobs got and lost,  apartments got and lost.  Finally getting her license back after the accident,  then adding a string of unreliable cars to the mix. My radar was on high alert,  but she always had an excuse for why she was moving or why she had changed jobs,  or what was wrong with her pile of a car this time.
       I knew she was using,  I didn’t know what it was this time, but I knew that she was headed back down that slope.
      Then came the text messages that confirmed it without the words.  “My car died,  can I borrow $200.00 till next week” ,  and when I said no she got mad.  The next one was “My laptop won’t work and I need to get it fixed to do my resume” .  I still said no.  I knew those things weren’t broken.  What was broken was her,  and me loaning her money wasn’t gonna fix it.  It wud just buy her a fix,  crack,  cocaine, heroin, or the bottle.  Whatever was her drug of choice at the moment.
     She missed our class reunion,  something that she was looking forward to.  She had talked endlessly about catching up with people.    No text messages,  no calls,  no Facebook Messages as to where she was,  and all of those things from us to her went un answered.    I was worried as were others, but we also silently resigned as to what happened.
     I finally heard from her the next week saying she lost her phone,  she got a new one,  all was good now, but I  I knew it wasn’t the truth.   I really knew what the deal was.  She was in deep this time.


     In October I found out how deep.  She was in jail that weekend.  In October she was arrested for larceny,   stolen license plates,  uninsured vehicle,  un registered vehicle and the list goes on.  She has  a laundry list of charges,  is sitting in the woman’s prison,  with a hefty bond.  I am hoping she gets the help she needs and that it sticks this time.  I have already lost her to drugs,  but I am not ready to lose her to a gravestone yet.


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