My family has known tremendous loss, there is no manual for what we have been through. And as I have said before, if there was one I wouldn’t have read it, because I was stubborn and even a little too cocky to think that it wouldn’t happen to me.
On the flip side we have been showered with overwhelming love and friendship. That love and friendship will never bring Connor back, but it truly reminds me that to fully live in this world it takes a village. None of us are an island, nor should we be. Human beings are social creatures, we are meant to lean on each other, help each other through through the rough times, and rejoice in the good times.
My village is amazing, they have held Dodge Ball Games, thrown a benefit/Birthday Party for Kyle and I. Followed me through FCTS baseball season, awards night, graduation, the dedication of the FCTS Football Stadium Lights. My village has traveled with me through good, bad and ugly, handed me tissues and held me while I cried.
The quiet behind the scenes village of my neighborhood built us a gorgeous outdoor living space with a fire pit, chairs, solar lights and flowers. A place where we can sit, reflect, toast marshmallows and remember all of Connor’s outdoor antics.
He was my fire bug, lighting the dead leaves and grass on fire. Rolling around with Cooper and being silly. When we lit of fireworks he was always the one who wanted to light them, and then run.
These memories will always make me smile, right now they make the tears flow too. But that’s what love is. Memories that leak out your eyes and down your cheeks. I wouldn’t change any of those memories for anything, I would do anything, or give anything to have him back. But no matter how hard I try it just wont happen. So I will cherish the memories I have and know that Love is what you make it and who you fill your life with.