Mirage

Today Mark and I did something we haven’t done all season. We went to a Horse Pull. This one was at the Goshen Fairgrounds in CT, my old stomping grounds, so my dad joined us. We went to watch Jordan’s Dad Brad and her brother Jarred drive their Belgians “Spudsy, Ira, Bode & Morris.”

When Connor first starting dating Jordan he knew nothing about horses. He had dealt with the 2 that Shawn & Karena have next door, but only because they are next door. He grew to love the horses, the pulling ones, Jarred’s Mini’s and even Chance (Jordan’s barrel racing mustang) and he came to an understanding.

He was learning to “hitch evener” with Brad and Jarred and loving every minute of it. Jordan was less than enthused with having to share her boyfriend with her dad, but they were all one big happy horse family.

Watching Brad and Jarred, with a friend of Brad’s in Connors place today was hard. Knowing in my heart that Connor should have been hooking that hitch made me blink back tears.

A few times standing around the trailer shooting the shit, I swore I saw him out of the corner of my eye. In that S Keyes Electric shirt of his, his favorite jeans (with the holes in the pockets) the Fox hat that only left his head when he slept and his well worn Chips. But once I blinked the mirage was gone, and I was left thinking I was crazy.

I know I’m not crazy, just a mom that sees remnants of her son everywhere. In Jordan when she wears his Mohawk Football sweatshirt with his name and number in it. Our cat Precious that loved him and sleeps on his bed, like she is waiting for him to come back. And each and every one of us that is missing a piece of our heart that died with him that day.

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