I was told when Connor first died to try to think of all the things I would miss and grieve each and every one of them. I grieved the person that my amazing son was, the fact that somehow the shy high school student I was, gave birth to and raised the “Big Man on Campus”. The guy that all the others followed, girls followed him like the pied piper and he was the leader. Although he didn’t see it, didn’t want to be it or wasn’t cocky about it.
Connor just expected everyone to do their job. He held everyone to a standard that he was held to, he held them accountable for their actions and accepted no excuses and no crap. In that way he was the young man I raised. He knew how to work hard, play hard and have fun.
The other side of Connor was the side that most people didn’t see. The romantic side, the side that treated Jordan like the princess that she is. The side that would help me cook dinner and clean up. He made amazing Guacamole that I have yet to recreate.
The side that before he got his license enjoyed snow days so we could have chocolate chip pancakes and hot cocoa for breakfast. The side that polished his moms toes from the time he was small (probably 8 or so). He had the steadiest hand, and could even do some pretty cool nail art, flowers, butterflies and ladybugs.
The external Connor is the one that the world misses, but I miss ladybugs and chocolate chip pancakes on snow days.