Planning

Thursday is March 15th, the day that Corporate Taxes are due to the IRS as well as MA DOR. It is also the day that 18 years ago Connor came into this world at Cooley Dickenson Hospital. He was a stubborn little one, put me on bed rest for 3 months from December to February, and then had to be induced to finally make his entrance. It was snowing he day was born, which might account for all the snow Western Massachusetts has had this year (sorry everyone my baby loved snow). He was not an easy birth, and had he been the first birth, he might have been an only child.

Skis

I am going to mark his birthday by being busy, so I don’t spend my day sitting and crying, ruining my eyeliner and mascara, and looking like a huge puffy hot mess. I am going to have a massage (use the GC that Scott & Lyndsay gave me for Christmas), spend some time at the Mall and then Jordan and I are going for Ice Cream. Full Blown Sundaes with Black Raspberry Ice cream and lots of toppings. I can’t promise you that she and I won’t shed tears in Friendly’s, but we will be together, honoring the young man that we loved the most.  Then depending on our moods and needs we may go to Calvary cemetery and wish him Happy Birthday. So if you drive by and see 2 crazy women singing Happy Birthday with tears running down their faces, that’s us.

Black Rasperry

I am sure we will sit and talk to him, like I always do, tell him everything that is going on, that baseball is gearing up at the Tech School, how things are going at   S. Keyes Electric, that Rachel can’t wait to have her baby, and that we both miss him terribly (but that is a given). The tears will flow, but we will have each other to lean on for comfort. I am so thankful that we have Jordan and all of her family in our lives through this.

Tech Baseball

She and I lean on each other, draw strength from each other, and cry to each other when necessary. She is an amazing young lady, wise beyond her years, and stronger than any 15-year-old should have to be. She has handles it with grace that I know I would not have had at her age. I credit her parents for that, they raised an amazing young lady, and that is why my son fell head over heels in love for her.

Go Karting

After Jordan and I have, what I am sure will be an epic cry fest, I will drop her with her mom at work, and I have one more stop. Cocktails and dessert with Rachel (Low Carb diet be damned today). I don’t know where we are going, I just know that I miss her since she left S. Keyes Electric, it will be great to see her. She was my rock at work to tell me that it was OK to cry when the day just sucked, she understood that my grief came in waves, and some days were good and others just sucked pond water or nasty donkey balls. There will be laughs but I’m sure more tears will ensue.

Connor Baby

I have always been a person that has to have things planned, I don’t do spontaneity well. March 15th will be no exception, I must have things to keep me busy, I have to find the happy parts so I don’t wallow in the grief of missing my baby. I will always miss him, but the firsts royally suck. Without all my friends and family I could never have gotten through this. You are the reason that the Hole in My Heart is not always a gaping sucking wound, you make me realize that there is life on the other side. For that I love all of you, and THANK YOU!!

Collage

 

Amber

 

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