Yesterday was a tough one. August 1st. It seems now that my life is ruled by dates. Connor’s accident date- the 5th of every month, the day he died, the 17th of every month. His birthday is March 15th, and for the last 2 years we have spent that day away!! I don’t see that changing any time soon, it is just too hard for me to be home, and not have my baby here to celebrate with. Going to see this on his birthday just doesn’t cut it!! Although I always go before we leave and wish him Happy Birthday!!!
But yesterday’s date was August 1st, the date that Sharon Smithwick Koneazny should have turned 52. The date that I should have sent her a smart ass text wishing her Happy Birthday, and then posted something just as crazy on her FacebookWall. The second one I was able to accomplish as well as to leave a meme that was tagged as a #sharonism. A silly, puny or sarcastic, maybe roll your eyes kind of funny thing.
She would post them every day on her wall and I miss seeing them, she made my world a happier place, often on days that all I could see was grey. So now when I’m having those grey days I go back through her wall and find the #sharonism that will make me smile and lift the clouds.
I remember when Sharon and Nancy and I went for drinks one night she hugged me and said. “It just isn’t fair that you didn’t get that second chance with Connor, that it just wasn’t something they could fix Tammie”. I feel the same way, now it isn’t fair that she didn’t get the second chance, that they couldn’t fix it. What I do know is that I will miss you forever. Your laugh, your love, your friendship. Those are things that can never be duplicated. I will hold on to the memories, because they are the life raft that keep me sane in this ocean of insanity of grief.