It’s not real, it really isn’t. I was driving in the car today, on the way home from getting my nails done and it hit me. Connor would be 19 tomorrow. 19 years ago I was walking the halls of Cooley Dickinson trying like hell to have him. Pacing back and forth, with that damn IV pole, just trying to get him to move along, to bring him into this world. To move time along and get on with meeting him, raising him and loving him.

Now what I wouldn’t do to turn the clock backwards, to make it run in reverse.. for just a little bit. Just to spend a little more time with him. Oh who am I kidding? I want years and years of more time with him. To get all the things that I was promised, his wedding, the grandchildren that he promised me and maybe if I was to live long enough even great grandchildren.

That is what I am most bitter about, the future that I was promised, being denied. I have learned that tomorrow is never promised, so please cherish your loved ones. All of them, even if you are mad at them at this moment. Because someday you may be in my shoes wishing and hoping that you have the time you were promised.