Can’t Have Both

It is no secret that as much as I love being a Boy Mom. I yearned for a daughter. Girl baby clothes are just so much cuter and I craved the mother daughter experience. From pre-school in Connor brought a string of girls home that I “adopted” into my life, Krystal, Mackenzie, a few fleeting ones at Mohawk, Hailey and then Jordan. He protected Jordan like she was made of crystal.

First we weren’t allowed to talk to her when she called. He would sprint to the phone yelling “I got it, it’s Jordan, she doesn’t want to talk to you anyway”, then if by some miracle we picked up the phone first he would immediately say “hang up she doesn’t want to talk to you, she’s my girlfriend.”

It was obvious he had found his love, his other half and the girl that complimented his soul. He learned about horses, and he taught her about SCCA Rally Racing. They loved the beach, and Connor was learning all about horse pulling from Jordan’s dad. Connor became a part of their family and Jordan became a part of ours. He brought me a daughter, one that is beautiful and kind and sweet. One who adored Connor, with all his craziness, his romantic side. He would bring her flowers just because and loved to spoil her with iced tea, candy and pop tarts.

In return Jordan treated him like a king, sending him notes, watching him play baseball and getting that darn goat with him. They truly were a matched set, made for each other. He spent more time at her house than he spent home, it seemed. But he was comfortable there, he felt like family, with the girl he loved.

Although they were only teenagers I envisioned them together forever, and so did he, I saw grandchildren (far in my future) and them living their lives together. That dream and vision was shattered for all of us last November. I have Jordan, and I will cherish her as long as she will remain in our lives. She is the daughter that Connor sent me, I just don’t understand why I can’t have them both at the same time, but I will hold onto what I have.😢

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