My Heart and Soul

Since November our lives have changed in so many ways. The loss of Connor being the most obvious. Kyle moved out in May and our nest became empty. Empty in a way that I wasn’t ready for. I always knew it was coming, but I thought had more time. Let me give you a hint, time goes too quick, don’t blink, because they are grown adults before you know it. Texting you with laundry and cooking questions, instead of emptying the refrigerator while your back is turned.

I started with one tattoo, an infinity piece to keep Connor on my body, because he will always be in my heart and soul. I have added 2 more, butterflies (a family of 4) following Connor as he is trailing off. And now a piece to honor all the friends that have stood with me through this. Who have held me while I ugly cried and assured me that my makeup didn’t look awful.

Mark and I have grown closer, spending our free weekends at the beach, enjoying the sun and quiet that it brings. We have spent time working on the house. Cleaning closets, working on emptying our cellar, getting rid of stuff we don’t need, and eventually painting the interior rooms. All the things that we needed to do when the kids were little and we just never got to it.

Our eventual plan is to sell this house, the house I moved into when I got engaged to Mark, the house we raised Kyle & Connor in. We had always planned to sell and move once Connor graduated from FCTS anyway. I am tired of living so far away from everything and the winters on top of this hill are brutal. Now the memories in this house are another kind of brutal. They are every where I turn, I will take the good memories with me. But I need to not be smacked in the face by them at every turn.

I know it will hurt when we move and this chapter ends, but if the loss of Connor has taught me anything. It has taught me that I am stronger than I ever thought and he will be with me forever. Those memories don’t reside in wood and nails, but in my heart and soul.

One thought on “My Heart and Soul

  1. Beautifully written, as they all are….from your heart. So hard to watch our lives change. Especially when it’s not the way it should be. I as many of us admire the strength and beauty that you and Mark have shown us all through this that you have gone through.
    Thank message change, people come and go and unfortunately we need to change gears with it. Connor will forever be in your 💓. Hugs to you my friend.


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