Time does not heal all wounds, it may make them easier to deal with, but it does not heal them. There is a hole in my heart that hasn’t even begun to heal. I realize it has only been a month since this large hole was punched in my heart, but it feels fresh and raw.
30 days into this awful heartbreak and I still have the intense desire to turn the clock back every day. I have tried, and tried but I am having no luck. I open my eyes and the reality remains the same.
Connor is still gone, my family is shattered, my life will never be the same again. He left behind a set of parents, a brother Kyle and his girlfriend Holly. Jordan, Connors Girlfriend who he adored and the feeling was totally mutual. A set of maternal grandparents who can’t figure out why this has happened, and a paternal grandfather who at 90 was sure he would be the next one to vacate this earth.
Add to that the members of his Electrical Shop who I am learning are a truly awesome group of kids. I have met so many of his friends that I am sure I never would have met, and learned so much about a side of my son that amazes me.
Today, 30 days after Connor left this earth I went to his gravesite. The first time since the funeral. It was hard, but cathartic in a way. It was covered in wreaths and baskets, a battery powered lantern so he wouldn’t be in the dark, and a hat left by a classmate. What struck me most was the overwhelming tracks on the snow to his grave. From everyone that had come to visit him
He was loved, by his family and friends and that makes the hole in my heart feel not so raw. It will take time, work, community and great friends. I have all of them.