Will The Pain Ever Stop??😢😢

Connor and Jordan Prom

31 months and 1 day, and it doesn’t get any easier. There are days that hurt like hell. Days where it feels like my heart is breaking into a thousand tiny shards. Like someone broke a Pyrex dish and there is no way to put me back together again. There are other days that the hurt is just a dull ache, but it is always there in one way shape or form.

The day that Jordan graduated was terribly hard, it was a day that I had dreaded since Connor “graduated” in 2018. I knew what his plan was for her graduation. To meet her at the bottom of the stage, in that silly yellow rain suit, ring in hand and ask her the most important question of a lifetime.

The infamous yellow suit

That would never happen, no rain suit, no ring, no question of a lifetime. For the members of FCTS Class of 2020 they were frustrated that they couldn’t have a “normal” non Covid Graduation. I on the other hand, was relieved, there was no place for my mind to hide him. Although I knew he would of found a way, because it was Jordan, and he would do anything for her. His love was strong, deep and everlasting.

Jordan 2020 Graduation

Unfortunately his life was not, here I sit just over 31 months later trying to figure out how to put all the pieces back together. In some semblance of order. But no matter how hard I try they just won’t line up, and no amount of super glue will keep them together. So I just do the best that I can to go one day at a time, and know that tears are good, love is eternal and grief is the price that you pay for love.

Omg they were so little

3 thoughts on “Will The Pain Ever Stop??😢😢

  1. No honey. It never will. Grief of losing a child cannot be compared to other grief I believe. Its against nature to lay your own before their time. I’m not surprised at how u must be feeling. Just remember, Losing Connor has made you stronger out of necessity. Everyday you go at it, and you are so so brave. Not only do you get thru it, your writing tells me exactly how you feel. Not just anyone can do that, Tammie! So not only are you strong, but you are also brave, talented, lets not forget to mention stunningly beautiful for our age (*wink*) !!! I admire you for all those things and so many more. Bad days are going to happen. Worse than bad days (like today) are going to happen too. I have Faith that you will storm on thru.


  2. Hugs to you. Some moments in time are like mountains to climb but we climb them anyway and maybe even find we are awestruck when we reach their summit. How did we make it up yet another mountain? Tammie, you are right where you are suppose to be in your grief. Thank goodness it does not go away as grief is special in its own right We will always remember them .


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