Today I met a milestone, not a big one, but a milestone nonetheless. I made it a whole month. So now we go on to month 2. This is how I will measure things from now on. Slowly, but surely, one little step at a time.
Originally when Connor first was involved in his accident I found the mantra to live by. “It is a Marathon, not a Sprint”. That mantra still holds true. This heartbreak will not change in one month, or two or even six. It will be long and arduous, but I will run this marathon. One foot in front of the other.
One day my heart will not ache like an elephant is parked on it, smothering all the feeling out of it. That day is not now, but I am the eternal optimist, call me Positive Polly. I don’t know what the positive is in this, but I will search until I find it.
I will find the joy in my life again, little by little it will come back. There will be more smiles than tears. Someday there will be actual laughter on a regular basis. That day is in the future, most likely far in the future, but it is there. Just call me Positive Polly. I will find the happy again, I am sure of it.
A Hole in My Heart 
Tammy, we can all only take one day at a time. On December 28th, it will be 39 years, 39… since we lost our Mom, also a wife to a drunk driver. Not a day goes by I don’t think of her and miss her. I still talk to her, still cry because she’s not here. She never got to meet my daughter, her only granddaughter. I say this not to make you feel worse than all of you already do, just know you’re not alone. A child(ren) are supposed to outlive their parents, Connor’s life was cut way too short. Why? We don’t know, we will probably never ever know. It’s not our decision, because, we both know as Moms and fellow human beings, Connor should have been on God’s green earth for a lot longer than he was. Talk to Connor, ask for a sign that he’s ok…I know, you probably think I’m nuts, but it does help. I do it all the time with my Mom. Any normal person heard me, they would probably have me committed. Some days, I might take it, just for a change. Thinking of you all every day with love, and know that Connor is with his Fran, my Mom, and other numerous family members that have passed, and as someone said the day of Connor’s funeral, they’re having a grand time. Heaven must have needed an angel….
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Tammie, I admire your strength. You have gone thought something harder then almost anything that life can throw at you. We are always here for you when you need it.
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❤
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That is beautiful, Tammie. I too hold on to the hope that one day there will be joy in the memories of my son, instead of tears and pain. I don’t know how long either, I just hit the four month milestone, and it hit me pretty hard. I am trying to stay positive, and you inspire me, but I find myself in those dark spaces quite often still. Keep writing, keep inspiring. In grief and love, Sharon
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